Changes

Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk.

~William Arthur Ward

 

Change is inevitable.  As a general rule I embrace it and find ways to navigate the new paradigm shift.  Most of the time, the changes are positive and just what I needed to shake me out of the complacency that comes with being too comfortable in where my life is at any given moment.

At least that is what I tried to remind myself when everything recently went to hell in a hand basket.  Have you ever faced a moment when everything you expected and counted on, everything you knew about yourself abruptly went out of focus?  It is frightening, isn’t it?

Losing a job isn’t the end of the world.  Far from it.  But losing a job after twenty years with the same company tilted my world on its axis.  Finding myself standing outside the doors holding a box containing personal items from my desk left me stunned and lost.  My brain literally shut down because I couldn’t process what had just happened.  It didn’t matter that I was just another victim of corporate downsizing or that it wasn’t anything personal.  It felt damn personal to me.

I’d like to say I handled it like a pro, but the truth of the matter is there really is a grieving process with any unexpected loss – including a job.  There were days when getting out of my pajama’s was too much effort and a lot of nights I slept on the couch because it helped mitigate the panic when I woke up each morning and realized I wasn’t going to work.  After twenty years of defining myself by my accomplishments and position within my former company I suddenly had to identify myself as unemployed.  It felt like failure.

To say I am blessed with family and friends is a gross understatement.  They helped me even when I found it hard to be comforted by their support and understanding.  They offered encouragement, laughter when I needed it most and a steady presence that made it possible for me to work my way through the dark hole I fell in to.

I still have a lot to figure out and finding another job is at the top of my list.  The creativity energy to write is slowly returning and that is a huge relief.  It was doubly scary to find words had deserted me and my characters were silent.

As a general rule I am an optimist and working my way through recent events has shown me I have more strength than I realized.  I will be okay.  Truly, who knows where life will take me next.  All I know is stepping boldly to greet whatever comes my way is much better than allowing past events to defeat me.

Change is what we make of it after all.

2 thoughts on “Changes

  1. My heart goes out to you. I think your blog will be an inspiration to others who are facing unwelcome change, be it career, relationships, any type of loss. Virtual hugs to you. ~ Viola

    • Thanks, Viola. It took me some time before I could write the post, but it was cathartic in the end. Distance makes most things a little more palatable and forced changes not as scary. At least that is what I keep telling myself 🙂

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